When someone you care about becomes unwell, it’s natural to be concerned. If you don’t feel any concern, it suggests that person might not be truly important to you. When you do worry about the well-being of someone you care about, your instinct may be to offer some form of care. However, there are a few things to consider before you act.
First, think about what you would want to do if you knew that your loved one would be okay even without your help. If they could recover on their own, what role would you like to play? Your loved one might prefer to care for themselves. Your care might be insufficient, inappropriate, or, in the worst case, might even make things worse. It’s also possible that a third party might be better suited to help your loved one recover more quickly.
The best approach is to wait until you feel an overwhelming, undeniable urge to do something for your loved one―something that you feel you absolutely must do, no matter what. If such a strong feeling doesn’t arise, it’s okay to do nothing. If, however, you find yourself naturally compelled to act or are placed in a situation where you must provide care, you can do so without hesitation. Otherwise, take your time to observe the situation as it unfolds and reflect on your own emotions.
When it comes to helping others change, the gentler the influence, the more effective it is. The strongest force is the desire to change others through our own actions or words, or those of a third party. The weakest, and most subtle, force is changing your own emotions, thoughts, and intentions. When your emotions for your loved one waver, simply allow yourself to feel those emotions without suppressing them. Just by holding them in your heart, you are caring for them.
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